My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
