ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
