he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
