U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
