i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
