i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How external is "for external use only"?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
