I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
