Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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