doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
