i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
