I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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