marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
