I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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