i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
