I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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