Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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