Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
