i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i already hear my dad disowning me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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