Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my poor anus
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
