dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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