Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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