I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
