Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
