oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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