I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am naked and annoyed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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