And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
