It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
