I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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