I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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