He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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