So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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