he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
