duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
