so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The feeling are messing with the penis
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
