i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
