how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
