Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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