lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
