he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
