I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I love you. Go after that dick
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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