but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
