i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize