She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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