Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
