just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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