After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Found your dick twin last night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
