I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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