If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
