Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
