office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
