OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's never too late to be topless.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
