Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
