just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
