she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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