the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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