I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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