I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
