you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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