i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
