Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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