Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
