dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
