Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my shit smells like andre
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
