Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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