My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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