lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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