I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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