just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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