I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
