puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
