what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
