you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
