I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the raccoons are back...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
