pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize