Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
