Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
