I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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