Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
God, I missed his penis.
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