How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize