barbara walters just said penis...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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