i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
